5 Bad Wedding Songs

 I hate to admit it, but photography rarely ever makes or breaks a wedding. It isn't until long after the cake has been cut up, the chairs have been put away and the thank yous have been sent out that the photos arrive. While beautiful photographs help to shape the memories that you will hold onto for a lifetime, great music is what breathes life into a wedding.

Unfortunately, the music can often go tragically wrong. Picking the right songs for your wedding (especially the first dance and the parent/child dances) is a matter of finding the right pacing, the right tone and the right style. If it fits all of those points, it's easy enough to overlook what the song is actually about.

Below are a few well-worn wedding songs that should be avoided for your wedding sentiments:

5. The Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston: While many other songs on this list are about bitter heartbreak, jealousy and darker things, "The Greatest Love of All" is an uplifting ballad about self-worth and conviction. It's not about romantic love and sensual passion, but self-esteem.

While the sentiments are noble, there really isn't a place for them at a celebration of two people joining their lives together. There are plenty of other love songs out there in the world, so give this a pass.

Sample Lyric: "I never found anyone to fulfill my needs/a lonely place to be/so I learned to depend on me."

4. "I Will Always Love You" - as performed by Whitney Houston: Poor Whitney is really getting the short end of the stick on this list. Her strong vocals left quite a mark on the adult contemporary charts, but this song about "bittersweet memories" really has no place during your wedding day.

Written by Dolly Parton, the song was a goodbye to her mentor and business partner. She then re-recorded the song for the movie The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. While the film (and stage musical) is a lot of fun, it's a little reminder that this is not a song to commence your commitment with.

Sample Lyric: "If I should stay, I would only be in your way."

3. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton: Clapton, together with his writing partner, penned this sad and slow song in the wake of his four-year-old son's death after an accidental fall. It's incredibly depressing once you sit there and listen to it. If you'll excuse me for a minute I'm going to go get something out of my eye.

Sample Lyric: "I must be strong, to carry one/'Cause I know I don't belong/Here in Heaven."

2. At Last - Etta James: Many of the couples I work with are younger, some are even marrying their high school or college sweethearts. This bluesy song about finding love after a long search might be romantic, but it doesn't really reflect their experiences.

I know the kids are all into being angst-ridden these days, but even I as a single twenty-something know that unless you've finally found the one at 50 then you might want to put this one back on the shelf.

Sample Lyric: "At last, my love has come along/My lonely days are gone."

1. Every Breath You Take - The Police: By now everyone should know that the song was written while Sting was in the middle of a divorce. It tells the story of a controlling and somewhat menacing man who can't let go of the object of his obsession.

Unless you think that stalking is romantic, avoid this song.

Sample Lyric: "Every night you stay, I'll be watching you."

Honorable Mentions:

Angel - Sarah McLachlan: This song is about heroin addiction.

Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers: Really just for parent dances this should be avoided because hopefully your child doesn't "hunger for your touch."

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dione: This is a song about living your life after the person you love has died. Even if they do die at your wedding, you should probably be doing something other than playing this song.

Of course it's easy to criticize but hard to find great replacements for these songs. That's where a great DJ can help, working to create a great mix of music that expresses who you are as a couple and gets people moving on the dance floor.

Calling for Backup

Most of my packages bring a second photographer to the table to make sure all the angles of your wedding are covered. For the average wedding it's a great value, freeing me up to cover the bride and groom while my able associate gets the bigger pictures (and even fills in the little details).

Most weddings, however, are not average. Between different dreams and different budgets, it's often hard to know when adding an associate photographer is the right choice (although my assistant would argue that it's always a good idea). So with this entry I'd like to help you find an answer to whether or not you need a second photographer.

In making that decision there are three main things you have to consider: wedding size, wedding dreams and wedding logistics.

Wedding Size:

Wedding size is fairly obvious, the larger your wedding the more there is to cover and the more likely it is that you'll will want an associate photographer on hand. Typically, my rule of thumb is that once your wedding goes over 50 or 75 people you'll want another photographer on hand to ensure thorough coverage. More people means more little moments of emotion and more things happening at one time.

This also covers more than just the number of people attending a wedding. Wedding size also relates to how much you have happening at your wedding. Are there a lot of flower arrangements? Did you pay particular attention to picking out the centerpieces and flatware? If your wedding planning folder has sprawled to dozens of pages even after you've made your decisions then your wedding is more than just the people attending.

Wedding size also stretches out to touch your wedding dreams and wedding logistics.

Wedding Dream:

In your mind's eye, what are you picturing when you think of your wedding? If your photographer can help turn that picture in your head into a picture on an album page, then you're probably going to be very satisfied with your photographs.

Is that picture a lot of candid moments that tell the story of your special day? Do you just want a series of formal shots of friends and family (along with traditional shots of the ceremony? The more you want from your photographer, the more you're going to need an associate on hand. Table shots (groups gathered around your seating chart) are a great example, with a second photographer these can be handled while the bride and groom have their portraits done. Alternately if your vision is to have a very special gathering of all the important people in your life from all across the country and around the globe, you'll want to make sure that very few of those special guests are missed (while still ensuring that you're the star of the show).

It's not just your vision that needs to be considered. Parents often have strong opinions about what they'd like to see from the wedding (often they're more emphatic about posed portrait shots), and often they've invested a lot in helping you reach this special point in your life so it's best not to upset them. Plus, relationships with in-laws are historically tense enough as it is.

Ultimately the vision of your wedding feeds back into size and the logistics of your wedding.

Wedding Logistics:

Realistically a photographer can only be in one place at a time, can only capture one angle at a time. Adding a second photographer opens up a whole new perspective and allows you to accomplish multiple photography goals at the same time.

For example, if you want to get photos of the bride and groom getting ready but they're getting ready in separate locations then you would want a photographer for each. Also if you want photos of the reception hall and the details before the guests arrive then you'll want a second photographer who can duck out during the ceremony to arrive early at the reception hall to capture those images.

There are also logistics out of your control. Some churches, for example, state that photographers must remain stationary during the ceremony. If this is the case then a second photographer is a must to ensure the full picture of that sacred rite.

In practice there are many other details that would advocate for the use of a second photographer. This is why your meeting with your photographer is so important, because their expertise can help to ensure you get the best possible coverage of your special day.

How to Interview Your Photographer

Spring is in the air and thoughts turn from surviving the winter to the wonder of wedding season. Will the bridesmaids be wrapped in tulle? Will you have a buffet-style dinner or plated service? Is it better to have your wedding and reception in the same space? Who will take your wedding photos?

Naturally I'm most concerned with how people will answer that last question.

Bridal magazines and Web sites often recommend that you aggressively stalk your prey with a page long list of questions engineered to go straight to the heart of the matter. Do they know what they're doing? Does this photographer have backup equipment? How long will it take for you to get your photographs after the wedding? Have they ever show a wedding while bungee jumping off a bridge?

Generally the list of questions is coupled with advice to try and find every discount you can and not to be shy about it. After all, it's a negotiation and you want to get the best deal for your money. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but it's the wrong way to approach your photographer.

Like other prey animals, photographers can be very skittish when it comes to loud noises and sudden movements. A pleasant meeting at a local coffee shop can quickly become a mad scramble for escape as you recite questions from a list about ISO and f-stops, and whether or not you can knock $200 off the package price if he doesn't use any flash. Before you know it, the plain that seemed teeming with professionals is almost empty save for a few people with kit lenses, no business plan and a smile.

Successfully finding a photographer is about more than strong-arm negotiations and getting all the essay answers filled out in your blue book. Getting your great photographer takes patience and just the right amount of cunning. Ultimately it's about understanding your prey and to do that you need to know a few things.

Your Photographer, The Artist:

First of all, your wedding photographer thinks of him- or herself as an artist. Contrary to what movies might tell you, wedding photographers are not issued a BMW and luxury penthouses as as soon as we hang up a shingle. Building a brand and a business starts with a passion for the work because when you're first starting it's a struggle to break even.

Of course you want an artist, you want a photographer that takes their craft seriously not someone who thought wedding work would be a great way to meet girls and make some money on the weekends. In the end hiring an artist means that you'll get great images you can treasure for a lifetime, that will resonate with you on an emotional and aesthetic level.

What this means for your conversation is that your ice breakers shouldn't be about your budget, but about what you found appealing in the photographer's portfolio. After all, you're hiring this person because you want their pictures so talk to them about why. The next step for stroking your artist's ego isn't just to talk about what's happening at your wedding, but how you think they can capture it or how their work fits in with what you're imagining for your wedding.

Your Photographer, The Entrepreneur:

Remember when I said that a photographer wasn't in the business because they thought that photographing weddings was a great way to make money? I may have been fibbing.

Wedding photography can be a great job because you get to make a living following your passions, but the most important part of that equation is making a living. Running a business takes a lot of accounting, tracking every transaction and trying to find a place where you can afford to do the work and keep yourself satisfied at the same time (all while remaining competitive in the market place).

So while your photographer loves photographing weddings, they aren't doing it out of the kindness of his or her heart.

When you're talking to your photographer, just as you would treat them as an artist you should also treat them as a business person. No one is going to do their job for half their asking price, and if they are it should raise a red flag. After all, would you show up to work on your day off without getting paid or even at half pay?

Can you get some discounts or extras if you're smart about it? Sure. Should you hinge everything on discounts and giveaways? Not at all.

Your photographer wants to see that you value his or her services, that you think the work is important an d you're  willing to take the prices seriously. You don't have to book someone you can't afford, there are photographers for every price range, but discounts don't just happen just because. A photographer has to pay the bills too.

Your Photographer, The Human Being:

At the end of the day, the most important thing is to treat the photographers you meet with as you'd want to be treated. While you're entering a business relationship it's one that is intensely personal and intimate, even if it's just for one day. Just think, the photographer is going to be there as you're getting ready and he or she is going to be there as you're running out in the car to head off to your honeymoon. You are tied to your photographer in ways you're tied to few other vendors and for many the relationship continues beyond the wedding day.

When you have a good relationship with your photographer as a person, you get better photos. Not because they like you more - they're a professional - but because you're both relaxed and comfortable with one another. That great rapport is worth quite a lot, and it's something that the bridal lists often forget about.

So remember when you're meeting with me or any other photographer, value the art, the business and the person and you'll be putting your best foot forward.

The Bald and the Beautiful: Talking to Your Photographer About Photoshop

It doesn't always go perfectly on your perfect day.

With planning you can solve a few minor problems, a hairdresser to fix fly aways and a make up artist to cover up a number of sins but there are always little things that creep in. A small band aid, flesh colored and hidden on the groom's neck — his hands nervous while shaving on his wedding day — to those watching from the pews it was indistinct but in the photos it shows all too well.

These temporary flaws are easy enough to correct with enough scrubbing. A good photographer is also a good editor, skilled with digital painting to cover up those band aids and blemishes missed by makeup (or acquired after during all the brushing and crying and confusion during wedding preparations). No one misses them because in their minds they've already gotten rid of those superficial blemishes.

But what about permanent parts of a bride and groom? The scars and physical traces of life, love and suffering (as well as genetics for male pattern baldness) that put character into someone's face and body, keeping them from looking like a Barbie doll, perfectly plastic. It can be difficult to talk about what you want airbrushed out of sight and out of mind.

Photographers are not plastic surgeons, few will ask you to tell them what you don't like about yourself. It's an especially awkward conversation during a first meeting when a photographer and a couple are first getting to know one another, no one wants to feel judged or be found wanting. Your photographer, especially if you haven't signed a contract yet, also doesn't want to accidentally slight you about a sensitive subject.

So how should you start talking about retouching with your photographer?

Many bridal resources suggest a list of questions for your photographer about their gear, their experience and their techniques. Inevitably the conversation turns to post-processing and here is where you can start to talk about how you'd like to see yourself in your wedding memories.

Ask your photographer about how much retouching they like to do. Are they like real photojournalists, barely leaving a trace of digital editing on their work? Do they draw their inspiration from magazines where everyone is picture perfect, some unreal and idealized version of themselves? Then you can talk about your preferences.

From there you can get more particular. Broadly speaking there are three major concerns for post-processing people: the skin; fine lines and wrinkles; beauty marks and scars.

Skin, even on the best of days can sometimes have uneven tones and textures. Often these go unnoticed day to day, makeup can help even things out but sometimes as the day wears on skin problems can show through. There are a lot of great programs that photographers can use to help even out skin tones, it's simply a matter of deciding what makes you unique and what you want to see. Your skin can go mostly untouched, gently evened out or smoothed over to magazine-style perfection.

Most find the latter unappealing. As with a lot of airbrushing being too heavy handed can render you almost unrecognizable and suddenly your wedding photos are not about you but some CGI version of yourself.

Wrinkles can be a mark of distinction, of wisdom and experience but just as often they're an unpleasant reminder of the aging process. The process of planning a wedding can also be wearing so as much as you rest beforehand you might find yourself with slight bags under your eyes and a few stress lines that will disappear after some time away on your honeymoon.

These can either be softened or eliminated entirely.

The same applies to scars and birthmarks. While they can add character to a face or body, some people are self-conscious about these marks and would rather not see them in their ideal portrait.

There are a host of other issues, and once you start talking about a few of the larger ones it's a lot easier to say that you'd like to see your arms slimmed down a touch and to swap out their husband for Colin Farrell (or to at the very least fix that bald spot that he keeps denying).

An Unsolicited Warning

The following arrived in my e-mail inbox last week unbidden by me, I cannot vouch for its provenance and names have been changed to protect the innocent (or guilty as the case may be). The original message was also quite long, so it has been edited for brevity and it certainly seems like one of those pieces of Internet folklore that gets passed around.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am apology for this interruption. I would like to share my true but sad story with you. It’s all about my wedding photographer. I hope all other brides will not go through the same experience as I did...

We had our wedding reception last year and hired “STUDIO X” as our wedding photography company. I picked a very experienced photographer and everything went well. But then 3 weeks before my wedding, Studio X said my photographer get busy on my day and they’ll send another photographer to me. I have no choice and I did not have much time to search again, so I accepted their offer. I can’t believe it was our nightmare to start! My photographer was horrible and very unprofessional.  He lost our photos. When we received our wedding photos a month after our wedding from Studio X, we found that a good portion of our photos was missing and the little that they had given us was amateurish and horrific.. This made us very upset. We contacted the company on numerous occasions and they refuse to assist us or take any responsible actions. We have yet to receive any of the photos back, an apology, compensation or any type of assistance…

…Nothing can replace memories of our wedding day and Studio X have definitely robbed us of that. This horrible experience has caused much unnecessary stress, pain and sorrow as a newlywed couple. 

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