Commandos crack caper

B.A. Baracus pities the cameraman after stopping a group of pirates from hijacking the Mayflower II. PLYMOUTH – A hail of gunfire erupted at the state pier after a team of crack commandos put an end to a plot to hijack the Mayflower II and return Plymouth Rock to England. Police are still trying to put together details of events at this time, but what is clear is that a group of four vigilantes put a stop to attempts by a highly organized gang of pirates to abscond with the venerable replica that just celebrated its 50th anniversary.

“While these men have done the town a great service, it’s important to remember that taking the law into your own hands can be very dangerous,” police spokesperson Robert Vaughn said.

 Sources in the military police revealed the four to be a former special forces outfit turned mercenary group known informally as the “A-Team.” Colonel Roderick Decker identified the four as Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith, Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck, Captain H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock, and Bosco “B.A.” Baracus.

  According to Decker, military police have been tracking the commandos since they escaped from a maximum-security stockade near Los Angeles. The group has been involved with several major incidents and is under investigation by several government agencies for charges ranging from violating the National Firearms Act to fraud.

 Representatives from Plimoth Plantation, which owns the ship, had a different story to tell about the team of mercenaries.

 “We had a problem, and no one else could help,” said one Plantation employee speaking under the condition of anonymity.

 The employee learned of the plot to hijack the ship in late January, after overhearing a conversation at Sam Diego’s in downtown Plymouth. The employee reported the information to officials at the Plantation, but they dismissed the concerns as fanciful, as did local police.

 The employee, who was victimized by the gang of pirates after a mole revealed his identity, contacted the “A-Team” through an intermediary – later revealed to be Smith in disguise – and hired them to put an end to the attacks.

After a short investigation, the team ran afoul of the pirates, resulting in a small shootout near Home Depot Plaza. Peck, a smooth-talking con man, allegedly managed to convince a beautiful young Plantation employee to give them jobs working on the Mayflower so they could lay a cunning trap for the pirates.

Peck had unwittingly gained a great tool for disinformation, since the Plantation employee was the disenchanted fiancée of the head pirate, Matt Williams.

“It seemed like everything was going well, but then Matt [Williams] discovered Templeton and I walking along the jetty,” the beautiful employee said.

The betrayal forced the dread pirate Williams into action, catching the A-Team mostly unawares. However, at the last minute when it seemed like all hope was lost, Smith arrived in the team’s custom GMC van to save the day. Smith drove into the large boom crane that the pirates were using to lift Plymouth Rock. The rock then came loose and trapped several of the pirates underneath it.

“It looks like they didn’t land Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on them,” Smith quipped.

Amazingly – in spite of at least 13 explosions, 5,000 rounds of ammunition fired, and a large rock dropped onto several people – no one was injured during the April 1 incident.

The A-Team, along with employees from the Plantation later got together in celebration, where an unappreciative Baracus received a novelty pilgrim hat.

“I pity the foo’ who messes with American history,” Baracus said.

The team left immediately before military police arrived looking for them for crimes they didn’t commit. If you can find them, maybe you can hire, the A-Team.